Freedom



Freedom


This business of freedom really gets me. It gets to me, making me question everything I do, making me review my life again and agin–moving my mind like a movie.

We all have ties creating links that rein in our freedom. As each close family member takes up their role in my personal film, I would never want to redo any scenes, even those that are hard to watch. I would never want to replace anyone with other "actors" or change the story so that they're not in my movie anymore. They are part of my film and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I even have a strong tie to a cat named Sophie. She's not mine (who was talking about freedom?) but she's always in my thoughts. I'll admit it: I'm hooked on a cat! I can't loosen the tie, nor do I want to. I will always hold out the string so that she can paw it. The string will never break.

What is this concept known as freedom, then? To me, it's a breaking away from what I call the "everybody else" syndrome. You know, like because "everybody else" has a full time job, I am bound to one as well. Or, because "everyone else" works from 9-5 then rushes home to make dinner or rushes in general that I must follow them. Why should I feel guilty that to take walks or a nap in the afternoon I take on less hours?

It seems like I'm referring only to work, but I'm not. What I mean is my life style, my way of organizing my day (or not organizing it), the way I think about the world...in short, freedom to live my life as I see fit, not because it's codified.

More than one person has said I'm lucky that I'm able to live my life like I do. In a way I am, not being bound by ties of responsibility that shape so many lives (like having a child). But I have also carved my place in the world for years, chiseled it, taking away chunks that make me heavy.

I can't do it anymore–this expectation to be what I am not. I haven't accepted it for a while. To me this is the greatest freedom–to let go of what we are not.


Photo: Pragyan Bezbaruah: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-running-on-road-2590164/

Text: Kristen Mastromarchi



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