Inner Smile

Inner Smile

I had forgotten my inner smile. You know, the one that shines through the eyes and makes people glow. I don't know exactly where it went, but I do know it was lost for many years. I think it all started when I moved to Italy. At some point my brain molecules took to running, then colliding, and my smile was no longer true.

I realize as my mind flips through snapshots of my life that I've been trying to put my smile back into it since those first years of bewilderment–with yoga, meditation, Feldenkrais, dance, biodanza...the list goes on and on, all in the name of a fleeting smile. Now that I've moved again, I want to move my molecules in the right direction. 

I refound my smile thanks to the lack of it in my singing last Sunday. During rehearsals I just couldn't keep my intonation up: the sound was bringing me down. After racking my brain for the why behind it and finding no cure to my conundrum, I really focused on the sound of the tenor I was listening to. His voice rushed forward as if spun by the wind–never faltering, never falling under. So, I propelled myself into his voice. Snap! Suddenly, it came to me: he was using the mask projection...his inner smile! 

Of course! I just had to find my inner smile again!

And I did. At times my voice sounded childish and young as I was practicing, but that's exactly what I needed: to regain my youth. Maybe it's all part of the process. I had tried to mold my voice into something bigger for years, something grander than its granular essence. I needed to go back to my simple, inner smile.

Photo: Pixabay

Text: Kristen Mastromarchi