Holograming

 

Holograming

I find myself doubling back more and more recently at the juxtaposition of who I wanted to be as it flashes back and forth like a hologram over who I might actually be. My image of myself is changing (again). Maybe I've always hologramed–that is, to be at the meeting point of two half loaded images between the sense of striving and reality.

The truth is always somewhere in the middle, anyway. Aren't we always changing, becoming something else, hopefully better? Thank the gods that we can become something different and that I have improved in some ways.

But this feeling is more than the flimsy flipping back, the flicker of self. I know I have swung back and forth many times, sometimes holding firmly onto the vision I crave and other times reverting back to the old when experiences remind me of the past. The growing is in the middle of dealing with these new/old faces, and determines which of the holograms I see.

What if my best hologram self isn't me, though? What if it never quite fit, and the image bends backwards? Maybe I am a series of holograms like the series of characters from a videogame. Perhaps I picked the weakest one at times: the one with the low energy level. And I definitely chose the strongest one–the diva–as my alter ego. But that's just what it is: my alter ego. I chose it as my goal, who I truly wanted to be, but was the illusion my size?

I will always live in illusion–shape changing from where I'm at to where I want to be and visa versa. I think it's good not to be stagnant–to get too complacent or feel that we are always the same. Because the truth is we have been twisting, falling, and lifting since we were born... or even before we were born, just a twinkling seed of possibility...

Text:Kristen Mastromarchi

Photo: <a href="https://pixabay.com/users/prettysleepy-2973588/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=3710687">Amy</a> from <a href="https://pixabay.com//?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=3710687">Pixabay</a>